I have depression. I have severe anxiety. I take medication. I’ve not lived in the same home for more than a year, in five years. My parent are divorced. All four are alcoholics. I paid the bills for years with my business. I buy everything I own. Lived on my own since I was sixteen. In therapy to uncover a possible repressed memory of molestation. My muscles are so tight from anxiety that my tailbone is crooked from my gluteal muscles pulling on it. To correct that I go through three hours of massage THERAPY not relaxation, each week. I work sixty five hours a week. I used to work three jobs and go to college full time to avoid losing my childhood home to the bank. I just left my Mother to help myself move on after she didn’t pay any bills with the money I gave her. My Father hasn’t told me he loves me or hugged me first since for as long as I can remember. He reacted to my possible abuse more concerned I’m wrongfully accusing someone. I can’t have physical relations with anyone…male or female…without my cervix erupting with fire like sensations from unexplained mental/physical trauma. I forget things constantly as a result of my repression issues from the trauma, which ironically reminds me of it every time I do forget something as simple as keys.
And still, I fucking live on.
So when someone complains about working part time, going to college full time, having to buy their own clothes…I know their struggle is all they know…but I just WISH they knew how much worse it could be so they could appreciate their own more. I’ve been through HELL. All my life. And nobody would be able to tell that about me by looking at a profile, or shooting with me, or even being my friend most times. People don’t see muscle pain, the inability to have sex, depression, fear, or past abuse. They just see someone yelling at them to brighten up. And I wish I could just tell them IT GETS WORSE, BE HAPPY THATS IT!
There isn’t enough time to waste on negative energy. To explain to people my shit storm of a life. Because I’ve worked hard NOT to dwell. NOT to become it. Most people would be in a hospital, I’m running a business and finally starting therapy…
To sum it all up. Get your shit together guys. If I can do it, YOU CAN! You really can. I promise and I will help you get through things. I promise. Things, as cliche as it is, can always be worse.